Fox News’s “Sexpert” – Not My Kind of Advice
Today is the first time I’ve checked out the FOXSexpert column, so every other piece Yvonne Fulbright has ever written may be utter brilliance. However, I was less than enthused about some of the messaging in her current piece, “10 Sex Mistakes Women Make.”
The advice isn’t all bad (in my not-so-humble opinion), but I have trouble reconciling women being advised to “Strive to stay trim and look your best, and apparently effortlessly at that” while being told in another bullet point, “Big or small, short or tall, what men find a turn-on more than anything is how a woman carries herself — her confidence. If you’re not owning your body, if you’re not embracing your figure and sexual nature, you fail to flaunt one of your biggest assets — you.”
So, embrace your body, but continue to strive to look “better.” Also, you should keep your efforts hidden, because nobody likes to find out about all the artifice and privilege that goes into being conventionally pretty.
She also mentions that you should never talk about “about shaving, your period, your last bowel movement, etc.” while calling these things nothing “to be ashamed of.” So, uh, how many things do you keep completely hidden, even from your own partner, that you’re not ashamed of in some way? Everybody poops. No, you don’t have to talk about it all the time, but I prefer to simply not be with someone who thinks that my bodily functions are nonexistent or disgusting. I am mammal, watch me grow hair.
Fulbright further suggests that women be accepting of pornography, advising that “instead of seeing his Playboy or Penthouse as a threat, see it as an enhancement — possibly even one you can share.” That may work for some women, but Fulbright’s advice is essentially to ignore things your partner does that make you uncomfortable – without even touching the notion that many women may find such images offensive, objectifying or degrading. I find this somewhat contrary to advice in other sections on not being afraid to communicate your needs, and the advise to avoid making your partner uncomfortable with anything you do (like acknowledging that you may one day have a menstrual cycle or a bowel movement).
Finally, one section of the piece cautions against become too much of a “mommy,” reminding the mothers in the audience to “see yourself as a hot mama, switching on your Marilyn Monroe persona the second you get your lover alone.” Of course, maybe you never had a “Marilyn Monroe persona,” even before motherhood. Maybe you’re not into cultivating entirely separate personas for yourself, preferring to be your real self all of the time. Or, maybe you’re too damn tired to put on an act “the second you get your lover alone.” And yet, another bit of advice in the piece reminds you not to “use sex manipulatively.” Ahem.
With contradictory advice like this, is it any wonder many women have trouble resolving the conflicting messages about sex in our society?