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Frank Talk About Toilet Paper

October 21, 2008

This silly little post addresses toilet paper and vulvar unpleasantness. If you can’t stomach it, move along.

OMFG. I will never buy Kleenex Cottonelle toilet paper. That’s what my hotel had this weekend. Let me just say that when it gets wet, it leaves behind pieces when you wipe.* Apparently it just disintegrated in contact with fluid, which sort of the exact opposite of what toilet paper should do. And those pieces get all stuck in the folds of your natural vulva anatomy. And then create an itchiness so intense you might just lose your mind.

I seriously thought I was going to have to take a second shower to deal with the adverse effects of my toilet paper. That’s just not right.

I’ll stick with my cheapo store brand or something like Angel Soft, thanks.

Coincidentally, I just saw a tv ad for another toilet paper (Charmin) last night where the main focus was that it won’t leave pieces behind. I’ve been buying the same couple of brands for so long, I’d forgotten how much I care about this particular feature. AdWeek has a piece on the new frankness in advertising that talks about this campaign and also commercials that actually say the words “period” or “pregnant,” which you never would have heard years ago.

*Since I’m naming a brand, I’ll leave room for the possibility that the hotel buys Cottonelle packs that failed inspection or some industrial formulation that’s different from what’s in the grocery store. But I’m still not ever, ever buying it.

Photo by by MotherPie and used under a Creative Commons license.

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18 Comments leave one →
  1. October 21, 2008 9:05 am

    Toilet paper can piss me off in about 2.2 seconds. Angel Soft or Charmin on sale.

    That’s how I swing. (Fun post.)

  2. October 21, 2008 9:37 am

    Heh. I hate the soft toilet papers, all of them. They all fall apart somewhere or other, and I never feel clean after using them. Thank goodness my husband is of the same mind or we’d have to have that double roll setup like in the picture. Scott Tissue for me, thankyouverymuch. Which just goes to show that anatomy is not destiny, or all humans would have pretty much the same ideas about this.

  3. Ethel permalink
    October 21, 2008 11:11 am

    I got teased at 5:30 in the morning when I was buying Charmin by some asshat who thought I was high f-looting for that purchase. He was purchasing John Wayne toilet paper himself. All I know is that with my genitalia, menstruation and general anal issues due to celiac disease there’s no freaking way I am skimping on that front, it sets the whole day wrong to deal with cheap stuff and effects everyone else too. Men might have highly exposed gonads, and are fragile in that manner but they don’t have much more to deal with then their anus, and they’re probably the ones who made the decision for the hotel. Of course, I have read the same complaints about hospital supplies.

  4. October 21, 2008 4:54 pm

    In college, I just used whatever was stocked in the dorm bathrooms. The stuff didn’t cause me any unpleasantness of the sort Rachel describes here.

    So one day, I had my annual gyne exam. She tells me, “It looks like you have a yeast infection.” I think, that’s odd, I don’t have any symptoms. A pause. “Oh, wait, that’s just toilet paper.”

    I’m with nm 100% of the way on this one. I will never buy anything except Scott.

  5. mei permalink
    October 22, 2008 8:25 am

    i only use water!!!

  6. katbur permalink
    October 22, 2008 9:16 pm

    The power of the internet cannot be overstated. I thought it was just me and it was because of menopause and the “drying” effect. Thanks for the recommendations!

  7. October 24, 2008 8:31 am

    My grandparents told me that they used the Sears Roebuck catalog during the Depression. It was the style at the time.

  8. October 29, 2011 7:17 pm

    scott tissue is now falling apart

  9. May 16, 2012 11:35 am

    I’m here because I remember the quality of toilet paper was so much better 20 yrs ago it didn’t stick on you like today’s Crap they sell . again corp America screws avg American by Skimping out on quality and selling cheap stuff at high prices. They laugh all the way to the bank and we have to deal with crappy tp.

    • robbie johnson permalink
      May 17, 2012 2:37 pm

      i am using Kleenex.
      after finding that even my favorite brand had opted to put out a cheaper version I decided to change.

  10. fedup permalink
    June 7, 2012 6:59 am

    Think of it this way, when you use paper towel to clean a window, there is a “dust factor” which is why you will notice residue on the window. Our little vaginas are not like glass, we have little crevasses, creases and hair follicles that trap everything! Often this dusty residue will take about an hour and some walking around to mix into our discharge and cause any itching/unpleasantness. When you use TP, flick it with your finger first to shake off some of the dust. I finish with a menstrual wet wipe as well for good measure. :)

  11. lisa permalink
    August 5, 2012 12:05 pm

    i have tried many many brands. i tought it was just me that had tp shred on contact with my vagina. only have had this problem last six months. never thought it could be company’s making cheap shit. i use wet paper towels. only thing that doesn’t leave behind wads of paper, make me itch, make me miserable

    • September 22, 2012 4:30 pm

      same…. But when a person uses thick things, like paper towel, or wet ones, they would have to go in the garbage, not the toilet? I see alot of good points here. Wet ones are gaining sales, toilet paper, losing sales! They need a toilet tissue easy on the enviourment and one that doesn’t do this falling apart, hmmm. I think it will have to be just something that is “easier” on the enviourment. It has been a Real pain in the butt for many many women!! Hope they change this! (excuse the punn, but its mostly for the front area.

  12. Kay permalink
    May 16, 2013 2:08 pm

    I thought it was due to menopause. Cus I sure didn’t have this problem in the past… Every time I take a shower I see the TP going down the drain… Yuck!!

  13. britany permalink
    September 27, 2013 7:17 am

    Charmin has the same issues as Cottenelle. Never had any problem with Angel Soft or Scott. The worst part was not realizing there was a problem, only to discover it after I had an infection. Not cool bro. Not cool.

  14. deejef permalink
    January 12, 2014 6:54 am

    I’m well past menopause, in my 60s, and wear a thin pad daily for a little incontinence for years (Kotex). I’ve just switched to a “natural” thin pad, but it seems to be doing the same as below and I hate wings and I’m not happy with it.
    I’ve just past 2-3 mos having problems with tps which are not harsh on my very thinning and sensitive skin — and don’t immediately shed/leave residue. It is causing much itchiness and driving me nuts. I was using Quilted Northern, have used scott and others; and now trying the cheapys from Walmart, but not working. I’ve resorted to having to use a mini spray bottle instead of paper, which is ok, but… I’m wondering if the incs. are making them overly biodegradable as to why they are doing this! I’m even suspecting some allergy from perhaps the glues being used on the pads…causing vulvas to swell and stopped up pores and the pads are also just now seeming to causing some of the residue, and again more itchiness. I just ordered a pure cotton product from Maxim to try. Hope it is nice and works. I will try that Red pkg Charmin to see if it is ok.
    (I discovered I was allergic to the normal medicinal tape glues when I had breast cancer. I had to ask for the difft kind. Can’t remember the diff… So, it may be a 3rd problem there.

  15. Karen permalink
    January 14, 2014 6:21 am

    I think the issue is that they are making the toilet paper to less likely clog up toilets and sewers so it starts to break down as soon as it gets wet. The wet wipes sold by the TP manufacturers to give you that really clean feeling are apparently messing up our sewage treament plants. Recommend a good baby wipe after using TP and don’t flush the baby wipe.

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